The Two “No’s” of Yom Kippur: Do Not Eat, and Do Not Let Things Eat You Up
by R. Eliezer Simcha Weisz
On Yom Kippur, we gather to seek G D’s forgiveness. We confess our sins, reflect on our actions, and pray to be inscribed in the Book of Life. At first glance, this seems natural: we have sinned, we feel regret, we return in repentance, and we hope for pardon. But if we think deeply, we realize that forgiveness is not the natural human response. Naturally, we expect consequence, justice, or punishment.
The Talmud Yerushalmi addresses this very point. The sages asked:
שאלו לחכמה חוטא מהו עונשו? אמרה להם ‘חטאים תרדף רעה’. שאלו לנבואה חוטא מהו עונשו? אמרה להן ‘הנפש החוטאת היא תמות’. שאלו לתורה – חוטא מהו עונשו? אמרה: ‘יביא קרבן ויתכפר’ שאלו לקודשא בריך הוא חוטא מהו עונשו? אמר להן ‘יעשה תשובה ויתכפר לו ‘ (ירושלמי, מכות ב’, ו’)
“They asked Wisdom, ‘What is the punishment for a sinner?’ She answered, ‘The wicked shall be pursued by calamity.’
They asked Prophecy, ‘What is the punishment for a sinner?’ She answered, ‘The sinning soul shall die.’
They asked the Torah, ‘What is the punishment for a sinner?’ It answered, ‘He shall bring a sacrifice and he shall be forgiven.’
They asked the Holy One, Blessed be He, ‘What is the punishment for a sinner?’ He answered, ‘Let him repent and he shall be forgiven.’”
Human wisdom, prophecy, and even the Torah prescribe consequences, yet only G D Himself allows for repentance and forgiveness. This is not justice—it is chesed, an act of mercy, a gift of life. Forgiveness comes not because the record of our sins disappears, but because G D chooses to forgive, even though He remembers everything.
The Digital Age: Nothing is Forgotten
Today, perhaps more than ever, we can appreciate the magnitude of G D’s kindness. We live in a digital age, where nothing is truly forgotten. Every word we speak, every message we send, every photograph—everything is recorded. Even when we delete it, it is not gone. As the Sages say:
אֵין שִׁכְחָה לִפְנֵי כִסֵּא כְבוֹדֶךָ
“Nothing is forgotten before the Throne of Your Glory.”
If nothing is ever erased—even before G D—then His forgiveness is not trivial. It is a deliberate, merciful act. And if G D forgives us despite our sins remaining in memory, we too must learn to forgive.
Forgiving Others and Ourselves
Yom Kippur is not only about G D forgiving us; it is also about forgiving others—and ourselves. Too often, we carry grudges, resentments, and fareebles (old quarrels and hurts) that weigh us down. Anger, bitterness, and old wounds do not punish the other person nearly as much as they punish us—they eat us up inside.
A Yiddish story illustrates this beautifully: Two sisters, Becky and her sibling, had quarreled many years ago. One called the other and said:
“Becky, you remember all those terrible things you said to me years ago? They hurt me deeply. You were wrong. I am very sick. If anything happens to me, I forgive you—but if I get better, we carry on just as before.”
This story reminds us that sometimes we even cling to grudges. They often have little to do with the other person—they are weights we choose to carry. Yom Kippur teaches us to let go. As someone wisely said: “Do not hold a grudge—while you are holding a grudge, the other fellow is out dancing.”
The Weight of Resentment
Carrying grudges is like carrying a backpack filled with stones. At first, five or ten kilos may feel manageable, but each new grudge adds another stone. Bitterness bends us, slows us, and weakens us.
A man had been betrayed by a business partner. The betrayal caused him financial loss and public humiliation. For years, he carried the anger like a heavy stone in his chest. Every Yom Kippur he prayed for G D’s forgiveness, yet the bitterness remained.
One year, during the Mincha Torah reading, he heard:
וָחַי בָּהֶם (ויקרא יח:ה)
“And you shall live by them” (Vayikra 18:5)
He realized that the Torah—and Yom Kippur itself—is not only about abstaining from food. It is about choosing life: freeing ourselves from what drags the soul down, releasing anger, resentment, and grudges.
After much struggle, he sent a simple note to the man who had hurt him: “I forgive you. I release the anger in my heart. I will no longer let this past consume me.” The other man may never have responded, but the man who forgave felt lighter than he had in years. He could breathe again. He could pray with an unburdened heart. He had learned the Yom Kippur lesson: forgiveness is not for the one who hurt us—it is for us.
The Two “No’s” of Yom Kippur
Here lies one of the deepest teachings of Yom Kippur: we abstain from food, yet we must also ensure that nothing consumes our hearts. To fast is to say “no” to food for one day; to forgive is to say “no” to poison for a lifetime.
We must throw away our fareebles—old quarrels, resentments, bitterness—even if the other person has not asked for forgiveness, even if they are unaware they hurt us, and even if they do not deserve it. Forgiveness is freedom. It allows us to walk upright, breathe easier, and move through life more freely, with a lighter step.
Forgiving Ourselves
Sometimes the hardest forgiveness is for our own mistakes. If G D, who remembers all, forgives us out of chesed, how much more should we forgive ourselves? Releasing shame, despair, and self-blame is essential to living fully. G D’s mercy is greater than our failings; His compassion surpasses our mistakes, and we too must allow ourselves the gift of release.
Torah as a Guide for Life
The Torah teaches us to live by its statutes, guiding us to choose life, release grudges, and travel lighter through the world. Yom Kippur calls us to follow this path—to forgive, release, and lighten our hearts. The Mincha reading reminds us: “Vayachai bohem”—“and you shall live by them” (Vayikra 18:5). Life is not simply abstaining from food, but living fully and freely, unburdened by anger and resentment.
Conclusion
G D, who forgets nothing, forgives us out of chesed. Yom Kippur is the day to receive that gift—and to give it to ourselves and others. We must:
- Forgive, even if not asked.
- Forgive, even if undeserved.
- Release the fareebles that weigh us down.
- Forgive ourselves, knowing that G D’s mercy surpasses all failings.
May we merit to move through life lighter, with hearts unburdened, spirits uplifted, and souls free. May we live by the Torah, forgive as G D forgives, and be inscribed in the Book of Life.